Handling Failure -- Teaching Kids How to Profit From It
There is nothing pleasant about failure, at least not at the time that it happens! Failure embarrasses us, feels bad, and often costs us money. Little wonder that people avoid failure like the plague. As parents, we unwittingly pass on the message to our kids that it is bad to go wrong or fail. Teachers punish pupils directly or indirectly, for making mistakes. Their peers never let them live it down. Friends and loved ones try to discourage us from venturing into the unknown, all for the fear of making mistakes and failing. In the final analysis, we have become a people who think we are "better safe than sorry." We become "once bitten, twice shy." However, failure can be a blessing in disguise. Through it we can learn what doesn't work. Then we can find what does. Failure is a much better teacher than success. Success makes our heads swell; failure makes us stop, look and listen. If we add "Learn" to this sequence, then failure becomes the first step to success. Stop-Look-Listen-Learn; that's the way to profit from failure. The role of failure is expressed in these words of wisdom: I've missed more than nine thousand shots in my career. I've lost almost three hundred games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.
-Michael Jordan Failure is an absolute pre-requisite for success. You learn to succeed by failing.
-Brian Tracy Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.
-Marilyn Vos Savant I am not judged by the number of times I fail, but by the number of times I succeed? and the number of times I succeed is in direct proportion to the number of times I can fail and keep on trying.
-Tom Hopkins If we give our kids the right perspective on failure, that it can be a spring board to success and not a hindrance, then we will prepare them to handle the real world out there, where nothing good comes easy. We will teach them to build realistic expectations ? that success does not come easy, that winning comes from losing and learning, that when we lose, we must learn from our losses, and you cannot get success without first failing. Practical examples Here are some "failure scenarios" and ways that we can teach our kids to learn from failure: Scenario 1: He spills his food all over the floor. Lesson: We show him where he went wrong (wasn't looking where he was going, ran instead of walked etc) and how to do it better next time to avoid the spill. We express confidence that he can do it properly in future and praise him when he does. Now he knows how to avoid the mistake, and has the self-confidence to keep on trying till he can do it right. Scenario 2: She gets her sums wrong. Lesson: We show her where she went wrong, and the right way to do them, as often as it takes her to get them right without help. We give her more sums to re-enforce the learning. We express confidence that she can get them right next time, and praise her when she does. This way, we provide an atmosphere where it is safe to keep on trying, because if she "fails" she will be helped and not ridiculed. She learns that it is OK to try and fail, because you can keep on trying till you succeed. And you will succeed, if you don't give up. Scenario 3: He loses his job Lesson: We analyze the situation together, identifying where he went wrong and what he could have done to achieve better results. We express confidence that he will get it right next time, and praise him when he does. The support he receives boosts his self-confidence. Self-confidence strengthens the resolve to keep on till you win. Scenario 4: She gets pregnant Lesson: We talk about the choices we make and having to bear the consequences. We discuss how this will affect her life. We may express disappointment, but also show her that we love her and are there for her. We discuss plans for the baby, and preventing a re-occurrence of this situation. Supporting her through this trying time tells her that she is valued by you, even though she has failed you. Show her that you expect her to make wiser choices in future, and that you believe that she can. This way you boost her self-esteem and strengthen her resolve to be more responsible in future. While you may not agree with some of these recommendations, please note that the focus is on making a learning experience of the situation. It is important to teach children not to be afraid to make mistakes (though we do not plan to make them!). Rather, when failure does happen it's a sign that our strategies aren't working and it's time to make a change. Adults all around the world spend huge sums of money on personal development seminars, trying to get rid of the fear of failure. But you can give your children an edge; give them those success lessons right now! Failing does not make us failures. It is failing to learn from failure that undoes us. We must teach our kids that failure is the first part of success. The sooner you learn all the things that don't work, the sooner you learn what does. And that means success, by learning from failure and winning! Copyright 2005 Oma Edoja This article may be reproduced but only if left as is, with the writer's resource box below, accompanying it. Oma Edoja is a published writer, motivational speaker and infopreneur. She works with adults and teens, helping them set goals, overcome obstacles and move forward. She is also a mother and former schoolteacher. Please visit Oma's motivational blog http://omaslounge.blogspot.com and her parenting blog http://theparentingmix.blogspot.com for more useful tips and resources.
Related News
Parenting kids to health and happiness - TheMedGuru
'Lemonade' author to speak at Los Gatos High tonight - San Jose Mercury News
Parenting under the law - Jamaica Gleaner
Parenting under the lawJamaica Gleaner, Jamaica -Oct 12, 2008Under the law, parents and guardians have particular obligations relating to the safety of children which should not be ignored. ... |
Obama & Cindy McCain on parenting and Secret Service - Seattle Post Intelligencer
MetLife Foundation Begins new Phase of Award-Winning Parenting ... - MarketWatch
Parenting classes offered - Wicked Local Chatham
Parenting classes offeredWicked Local Chatham, MA -18 hours agoThe six-week parenting series facilitated by Cindy Horgan provides parents skills to help them with some of the challenges that can make parenting difficult ... |
Why Some Kids Are Bullied From the Start - U.S. News & World Report
Why Some Kids Are Bullied From the StartU.S. News & World Report, DC -8 hours agoThe team followed them for more than seven years, receiving information from the children's mothers about victimization, family adversity, parenting styles, ... |
Oldham parenting group to host event about online safety - Louisville Courier-Journal
Drop-In parenting support at Wormley Community Centre - Broxbourne Borough Council (press release)
Drop-In parenting support at Wormley Community CentreBroxbourne Borough Council (press release), UK -6 hours agoBroxbourne Council and Broxbourne Housing Association have funded the Hertfordshire Practical Parenting Programme (HPPP) to run informal drop-in parenting... |
Film spotlights alternative parenting - Victor Harbor Times
Film spotlights alternative parentingVictor Harbor Times, Australia -5 hours agoBY DREW EVERS REGION - Local writers Shane Farrell and Jennifer Deaves are shedding new light on alternative parenting in a planned documentary. ... |
|
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Planning the Ultimate Kid Birthday Party
Child Party Planning Guideline #1)
Lets Protect Our Children
There are software programs that you can purchase to keep your children from accessing undesirable websites. There are two good ones, Cyber Patrol and Net Nanny.
How Often Does Child Sexual Abuse Get Reported?
Not nearly as often as it should. Most child abuse victims never report the crime or get help in coming to grips with this life-changing trauma. They move into adulthood with a broken heart and low self esteem. Much misbehavior and acting out can be traced to an incident which occurred which left the child feeling confused, betrayed and angry.
Illegal and Legal Drug Usage in the United States
How bad is the illegal drug problem here in the US? Very bad and it alters the brain's thought process and causes a problem with human interaction and our natural socializing tendencies. The drugs are so diverse and so plentiful that it touches the lives of nearly every American in some way and certainly nearly every family in this country. We must be honest with ourselves. We have legal drugs, prescription drugs and illegal drugs. Caffeine is a drug that is wide spread in America. The verdict is out now, but what will we learn in the future after twenty years? After all there is a Starbucks on nearly every corner in many of America's largest metropolitan areas. We already know that spiders cannot spin a web while under influence of caffeine.
Monitoring Your Teens for Drug Use Without Appearing to be Spying
Even if your teenagers do not use drugs, you still need to keep an eye on them. It is much better to realize that things could change, and anticipate that your teen COULD become a user. Essentially, it is not wise to make assumptions about topics such as drug use. Also, having been a high school teacher afforded me the opportunity to witness peer pressure, and how even good kids could be convinced to try drugs - just to fit in. It is important that you play a proactive role in ensuring that your teenagers and the rest of your family remains drug free.
The Thing with Quality Time
It's funny how people seem to think that they have spent quality time with their kids after work by bringing them out to the mall for a lifeless and meaningless stroll only to come home with nothing more than a whole bunch of stuff that they (or the kids) don't need. In fact, time has been wasted because kids don't NEED you to bring them out to the shopping mall to waste time. They want and NEED to be with you.
Managing Your Stepfamily
If you are a member of a stepfamily, you know how difficult it can be to integrate all of the new members and adjust to the new boundaries and rules. The following ideas may help you make a successful transition during this challenging process.
Play the Ball, Not the Man!
As parents and teachers, sometimes we want to praise, at other times we need to rebuke. Either way, how do we put our point across with maximum effectiveness?
Committed Parenting
When you think about it, probably the one thing that our children need most in order to grow up feeling loved, happy, and empowered enough to give of themselves to others is our commitment to them as parents. Our children must know that we have made a commitment to them and we must demonstrate that commitment constantly. When we decide to have a child we take on this commitment. It is the biggest commitment we will ever make. When one of our children is diagnosed with diabetes the commitment, significant enough to begin with, takes on a completely new and demanding aspect. We as parents are responsible for and to our children. We tie ourselves to them, sometimes at considerable cost to ourselves. We are required many times to put our children's needs before our own.
Parenting Your Teenager: 4 Dangerous Myths
MYTH: All teens have to rebel, and the teen years will be miserable years for a family.
How A Home Water Filter Can Reduce Your Child?s Risk Of Learning Disabilities
Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person can be exposed to in his
lifetime. Besides damage from radioactive or nuclear chemicals, significant
exposure to lead can cause some of the most severe and even fatal health effects
possible.
How You Can Help Your Child To Be An Avid Reader
Reading is the most efficient and economical way to help anyone
to acquire information, knowledge, skills and improve on one
self. And it is most wonderful to help your child to be a
great reader as young as possible.
How To Teach Your Children Courage
Courage means doing the right thing when it is hard, even when it means being called a "chicken" by others.
How to Prepare for Labor
Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman for the day she delivers her first baby, there are some simple suggestions that should help make this amazing experience a little bit easier.
Time Out for Adults
"Get down from the table top right now! What are you doing? Floors are for standing on, tables are for eating. You need a time out, young lady. You go to your room and think about how you have been acting today."
Dexedrine, Cylert, and Adderall in the Treatment of ADHD
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of ADHD out here in California, but those patients that we've seen on it have done well. Typically it is prescribed to patients who have not responded to Ritalin very well. It has the advantage of having a very nice long-lasting product (one dose per day). Usually it will not be prescribed to teenagers, or to individuals with a history of substance abuse. It can have retail value in the high school parking lot, and can be misused and abused.
Top Seven Tips To Become A Good Stepmother
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences in a woman's life.
Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod
Spare the rod, spoil the child!
Parenting Your Teenager: What Parents Say About Teens
What is hard for parents
My Sons Deployment
One of the most difficult struggles in life for a parent is the struggle that occurs when the parent is attempting to keep their child safe and the child is attempting to explore the world and find their place in it, often times not in the safest manner.
|
