Influencing Adolescents - Guided Democracy
You need to smart to be able influence adolescents. You need to be able to stand back a little, hold your tongue and wait your turn to speak. Recently, Sam my seventeen year old son, said "No way" to our requests to wear some decent clothes to an upcoming on-stage event. Sam was chosen to read a piece of his written work on stage in front of 200 people in a plush venue the coming Friday night. Our suggestions to wear a decent set of threads as opposed to the thread-bare, bum hanging out of his pants attire that was his norm was met with defiance. His is jutting jaw and arms folded he said determinedly, "No way, I am dressing for me not for you! I want to feel comfortable on stage, and I won't feel comfortable dressed like a dork." My experience dealing with him lead to me to believe that meeting him head-on was like waving a red rag to a bull, and he would have only stood his ground and not shifted on principle. I wanted him to feel comfortable with his clothing but also that he needed to dress according to the dictates of the situation. We wanted him to be himself, just a souped-up version of himself for that night. It was time to instil a few doubts and chip away a little at his suit of defensive armour. I said, "Maybe you won't feel comfortable if the other kids are wearing good clothes and you're not. It can be awful being the odd one out. A bit like the only one wearing fancy dress at a party" He didn't reply but I could see by the look on his face that I had given him something to ponder. Time for a retreat and allow him some time to chew it over. That evening he brought the matter up to his mother and I. Sue suggested some clothes he might wear. "Why not wear your grey pants, your good black shoes and a shirt?" "No way, not my black shoes, no way," he replied. "Okay, but if you wear your check shirt then you are making a real fashion statement." "I could wear my check shirt?" "Yes, of course. I wouldn't want you to look like a dork on stage." My wife then left him to think on this. It was obvious that he was thinking, pondering and getting used to the idea of wearing decent clothes and the option we suggested was not such a bad one. We wanted him to think that his choice of clothes was his decision. This is guided democracy at work On the night of the reading he appeared with freshly pressed grey pants that covered his boxer shorts, black leather shoes and a very smart check shirt. With hair jelled and pointy he scrubbed up well. He looked like we hoped he would look ? like a seventeen year old who had made the effort to bridge the gap between the more conservative adult world and his own adolescent world, at least for a night. "How do I look? Do you like my clothes?" His mother threw a huge smile his way, hugged him tight and said, "You look very handsome Sam. Can I go out with you tonight?" An awkward smile lit up his face and I swear I saw him grow a few centimetres in that instant. He held out his arm and said, "Mum you're on. Let's go." As he walked out the door with an air of confidence I knew that we had made the right decision to push him to dress appropriately. I also knew that it had to be his decision to wear decent clothes ? he just needed to be given some time and a few things to think about in the meantime. Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print. For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.
Related News
Struggles of single parenting - Waseca County News
Waseca County News |
Struggles of single parentingWaseca County News, MN -3 hours agoBjerklie’s parents, who live in Bjerklie’s hometown of Fergus Falls, Minn., have a tight-knit relationship with Hannah, and Bjerklie also has brothers who ... |
CW Shows This Fall have Coddled Kids - EntertainmentToday.net
CW Shows This Fall have Coddled KidsEntertainmentToday.net, CA -8 hours agoWe think this generation of parenting is different than the ones we grew up with. We, as parents, did almost everything that our kids are doing. ... |
For mothers in prison, children can be key to rehabilitation, with ... - Boston Globe
Farah Hospital hosts Jordan’s Pioneering Parenting Program - Al-Bawaba
Sarah Palin's Feminists for Life Membership Points to Pro-Woman ... - LifeNews.com
Successful co-parenting after a divorce - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Parents need to grow up - NEWS.com.au
Parents need to grow upNEWS.com.au, Australia -Aug 28, 2008By Susie O'Brien PARENTS need to grow up if they want to raise their kids successfully, a new book says. Well-known Melbourne psychologist John Cheetham ... |
PBJ poll: Drink up, teens - Bizjournals.com
What it takes to be a good parent in today’s culture - The Prairie Star
The Observer - Sarnia Observer
|
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Picky Eater Kid Nutritional Guidelines
Although many children are picky eaters at some stage in their lives, the experts say not to worry. Unless you are feeding him or her chips and cookies three times each day, these children will most likely meet their weekly nutritional quotas.
THE NEW SCHOOL VISIT: 5 Things to Look For
Today the little red school house is not what it use to be, and along with changes in how our schools are funded, how they are governed, how teachers teach and how children learn, it's no surprise that many large urban school districts and smaller rural ones are undergoing major modifications. Parents are bombarded with advice from every media venue telling them to look at private education, consider a religious environment, and reminding them that "choice" or charter schools are the way to go. The only real way to know what educational institution is best for your child is to become a School Scene Investigator (SSI), because today education is serious business.
Choosing the Perfect Jogging Stroller
When choosing the perfect jogging stroller, a very important question to ask yourself is whether you want a swivel or fixed wheel. The benefit of choosing a jogging stroller with a fixed wheel is that it will offer the stability and straight tracking that you will require. The front wheel tends to be larger on a fixed wheel model which means it will be a smoother ride for your child and will handle bumps better at any speed.
Hearing Our Seriously Distressed Adolescents
The distressed adolescent often has feelings of abandonment, emotional detachment, withdrawal, and isolation. These children begin to develop an intense anger directed towards an adult society that they feel has hurt them and does not understand them. Parents need to to learn how to build relationships with these children and this can be accomplished through a process of emotional coaching, of allowing the child to express their feelings without judgment while providing clear guidance, limits, and expectations. It is often inconsistency and lack of clear guidance from parents that further the struggles for these children who then begin to seek guidance from misinformed peers. These children need love, affection, and a non-judgmental atmosphere. If love does not come from a meaningful and sustainable adult relationship then it will take on a new and contorted character where the concept of 'love' cmes from trying to be accepted by peers (even if they be negative ones) as the child will know that they will find a source of non-judgment and will be 'liked' even if it causes their eventual self-destruction. Affection that is not provided by adults who should be responsible, is then replaced by irresponsible sexual activity where the teen not only seeks for pleasure in a world that often provides only hurt, but feels once again that through sex, they can find a sense of acceptance and supposed emotional connection.
Teaching Your Children About the Value of Money
We take it for granted that children know how money gets into our wallets. The tips below will guide you through teaching your children the value of money.
CAMP INJURIES- 7 Things You Must Know
WHEN AN INJURY HAPPENS AT CAMP, HERE'S WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW:
Public Schools Can Waste 12 Years of Your Child?s Life
For over fifty years, public-school officials and politicians have tried one education fad after another. They have all failed. Children should not be turned into victims and educational guinea pigs by public-school authorities. Here's why public schools can waste 12 years of your children's lives and destroy their love of learning:
7 Easy Ideas for Organizing Kids Artwork
In school, kids are encouraged to create, draw, color, paint and build. These activities can certainly stimulate children, and help them grow.
Keeping Kids Safe on the Internet
The biggest trick some child predators' are using these days is to pretend to be a kid, in a kid site chat room.
25 Things That Matter When Relating To Our Children (Leaving A Legacy Of Love To Those We Love)
In my opinion, these things matter...
Surprise ? Public School Class Size Doesnt Matter Very Much
School authorities often complain that classes are too large. They claim that teachers can't be expected to give their students the individual attention they need if there are too many students in the class. On the surface, this excuse seems to have some merit. Common sense tells us that in smaller classes, teachers can give more time and attention to each student.
Understanding Why Your Child Has Been Recommended for Testing
You have just received a call from your child's teacher explaining that she has noticed your child having difficulty in school. Your child is not understanding math or reading the way the other children do. So she would like your permission to proceed with testing to find out if he has a learning disability.When this happens, it is always a good idea to meet with the teacher in person. Being proactive is extremely important to your child's educational future. Arrange to sit down and talk with the teacher to discover specifically why she has recommended this. You may want to include the special education teacher as well, as she may be able to further clarify just what they are seeing that is causing them to question your child's abilities.One thing you have to understand is that just because a learning disability is questioned, that does not mean that your child isn't smart. It just means that, for some reason, he's either not able to access those smarts and is not "getting" what is being taught. Or, he may be having difficulty expressing what he has actually learned.One indication that there is a problem might be that the child gets very good grades in math, but his reading is below average. He is not reading at the same level that most of the other students of his age are reading at. There is a big difference between his learning in math and his learning in reading. If he is old enough, there may be standardized test scores that also show that huge difference, and the teacher should be able to show you that information.You may have noticed other indications at home but thought they were just "kid things". If you ask your child to do 2 or 3 things in a row, does he forget most of them? When you ask him a question, does he have difficulty expressing the answer? Is his room always disorganized? Does he have trouble socially?These are some of the questions you might want to think about as you talk with the teacher and ask if she notices them in the classroom. It is important you realize that by doing this, you are not putting your child down or complaining about him or labeling him as a "bad kid". You are discussing the facts of what is actually going on, or not going on, with his learning. You are acting in his best interest.Do not hesitate to ask questions about anything you don't understand. The teachers will not think that you are stupid or inadequate The area of Learning Disabilities can be very confusing and overwhelming to anyone. It is best that you understand what is going on right from the beginning.When the teachers have explained the symptoms to your satisfaction, then it is time to find out what will happen from here. Ask specific questions about the testing, how best to address your child's concerns and how to minimize any "stigma" your child might experience as a result of being tested.
Coping With Colic
Quite simply, an absolute nightmare for parents and babies alike, colic is likely to be the first major test of your parenting skills. It is dreadful for all concerned but these tips should help you cope with this difficult time.
10 Steps to School Year Success
Parenting Your Teenager: How to Build Trust
``Mom, can I go to the mall with my friend Jenny?''
ADHD: A Dialogue With a Non-Believer, part two
Dear Sir,
The 5 Babysitter Commandments
Having a babysitter take care of your kids is sometimes a dangerous thing to do because the babysitter is the person that will be alone with your kid. Here are some ideas about your relationship with the babysitter.
CPR: Why You Should Know It
I never dreamed that I would be in a position to
use CPR on someone. But I was wrong.
The Different Types, or Styles, of ADHD
Research literature, recent books, and common sense, all point to the fact that there are different types, or styles, of ADHD. In the past we referred to Attention Deficit Disorder: Inattentive Type, or Impulsive/Hyperactive Type, or a Combined Type. Today the diagnostic differences are a bit less clear, but the reality doesn't change.
Homeschooling Takes Your Child Out of Public School --- A Unique Benefit
Home-schooling removes children from public school. That alone makes home-schooling worthwhile. Unlike public-school children, home-schooled kids are not prisoners of a system that can wreck their self-esteem, ability to read, and love of learning.
|
