Should We Apologize To Our Children?
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes we may believe that if we apologize to our children we weaken ourselves and the rules we are trying to keep. We may also believe it will make our children think their behavior was okay. It is important to understand that this is not the case. I have found myself at times reacting negatively to my daughter's occasional inattention to her daily diabetes care. Not just negatively but loudly. What I discovered was that I could apologize for how I responded to her behavior, without condoning what she did. (Or didn't do) Apologizing in this manner makes it clear that I am not relaxing the rules. It does not undermine my authority or my ability to make the rules and expect compliance. I found it does set a good example and encourages her to be open and apologize when she has done wrong. Apologizing shows empathy for what I may have done to her feelings and respect for her right to be treated fairly. Apologizing shows that you can admit error without loss of face. It shows that your self-esteem is strong enough to be left intact. It teaches your child to take responsibility and shows them that everyone makes mistakes. And finally it will prove to your child that you both can survive mistakes. Showing that we have the strength to admit to and survive mistakes helps to encourage our children to have the same strength in their dealings with others. It's important to demonstrate that a relationship can survive errors. Our children need to know that it's possible to make amends and give another person the option to do the same in return. Apologizing lets a person both give and experience forgiveness. If our children grow up with the experience of apology and forgiveness within the family, they will be far better equipped to deal with the relationships they will develop as they grow up. There are few life skills we will ever teach our children that are more important than this. Different Ways of Apologizing
We can apologize by saying it in words, by doing something for our child, or buying something for our child. Don't start yelling at your computer screen, I'll explain the buying part in a minute. Some of the words we can use: "I'm sorry I got back later than I said I would." "I feel awful that I shouted at you this morning." "It was silly to get so upset about your messy room." Doing something: Doing something special with our children can be more powerful than just saying we're sorry. It shows that we really mean it. Buying something: Giving our time and attention to our children almost always means more to them than buying them something, but little surprises given along with a verbal apology shows we have given thought to what happened. When Not to Apologize There are some dangers in apologizing too much. The problem is not with the apology but with the reason for the frequency. When we find ourselves apologizing too much we might be showing our children our own uncertainty. Our children rely on our certainty about life. They rely on us for guidance. Instead of apologizing if we aren't sure whether we have done the right thing, it might be a good idea to feel sorry but say nothing. We need to use our own judgment to decide how much is too much. What Happens When We Don't Apologize? We all remember at some point in our lives when someone was clearly wrong and did not apologize for their behavior. It caused a lot of resentment when we felt we were unfairly treated. Our children have an acute sense of fairness. Resentment grows and eats away at good feelings and a barrier grows between our children and ourselves. We must not allow this. Remember this about apologies; if you want to hear them, you need to give them. Apologies make you feel better about yourself. They are a statement of honesty and wipe the slate clean. And finally, it they are given, make sure you accept them. About the Author
Russell Turner, USA
info@mychildhasdiabetes.com
http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com Russell Turner is the father of a 10 year old diabetic daughter. After she was diagnosed he soon discovered he could find all sorts of medical information on the internet. What he couldn't find was how to prepare his child and family for living with this disease. He started his own website for parents of newly diagnosed diabetic children http://www.mychildhasdiabetes.com
Related News
'Lemonade' author to speak at Los Gatos High tonight - San Jose Mercury News
Oldham parenting group to host event about online safety - Louisville Courier-Journal
Film spotlights alternative parenting - Victor Harbor Times
Film spotlights alternative parentingVictor Harbor Times, Australia -5 hours agoBY DREW EVERS REGION - Local writers Shane Farrell and Jennifer Deaves are shedding new light on alternative parenting in a planned documentary. ... |
Drop-In parenting support at Wormley Community Centre - Broxbourne Borough Council (press release)
Drop-In parenting support at Wormley Community CentreBroxbourne Borough Council (press release), UK -6 hours agoBroxbourne Council and Broxbourne Housing Association have funded the Hertfordshire Practical Parenting Programme (HPPP) to run informal drop-in parenting... |
MetLife Foundation Begins new Phase of Award-Winning Parenting ... - MarketWatch
Parenting under the law - Jamaica Gleaner
Parenting under the lawJamaica Gleaner, Jamaica -Oct 12, 2008Under the law, parents and guardians have particular obligations relating to the safety of children which should not be ignored. ... |
Parenting kids to health and happiness - TheMedGuru
Why Some Kids Are Bullied From the Start - U.S. News & World Report
Why Some Kids Are Bullied From the StartU.S. News & World Report, DC -8 hours agoThe team followed them for more than seven years, receiving information from the children's mothers about victimization, family adversity, parenting styles, ... |
Obama & Cindy McCain on parenting and Secret Service - Seattle Post Intelligencer
Parenting classes offered - Wicked Local Chatham
Parenting classes offeredWicked Local Chatham, MA -17 hours agoThe six-week parenting series facilitated by Cindy Horgan provides parents skills to help them with some of the challenges that can make parenting difficult ... |
|
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Should We Apologize To Our Children?
An apology is a sign of strength, not weakness. Sometimes we may believe that if we apologize to our children we weaken ourselves and the rules we are trying to keep. We may also believe it will make our children think their behavior was okay. It is important to understand that this is not the case. I have found myself at times reacting negatively to my daughter's occasional inattention to her daily diabetes care. Not just negatively but loudly. What I discovered was that I could apologize for how I responded to her behavior, without condoning what she did. (Or didn't do) Apologizing in this manner makes it clear that I am not relaxing the rules. It does not undermine my authority or my ability to make the rules and expect compliance. I found it does set a good example and encourages her to be open and apologize when she has done wrong. Apologizing shows empathy for what I may have done to her feelings and respect for her right to be treated fairly.
Parenting Your Teenager: 6 Things to Stop Doing Right Away
1. STOP focusing on what you are going to make your teen-ager do
Naming Your Baby Is Part of The Challenge of Being a Parent
Baby names are as diverse as the people to whom they are given. Choosing the right name for your baby can be a very challenging yet fun exercise! This is my story.
Honey I Can?t Afford The Kids
Sex has a lot to answer for ? babies usually ? which then with time and much financial investment grow up to be beautiful mutations of their parents. Yet as the family absorbs more money as it grows, the need for financial planning and protection becomes more important. So, where do you start and how do you move your finances forward?
Is Your Child Becoming A Praise Junkie?
Do you praise your child when he fulfils a basic bodily function? Do you praise your child for obeying the laws of gravity? Do you give praise for simple socialisation procedures that your child practises every day?
A Dads Thoughts On Dads day
21 Reasons I Love Being A Dad
Parenting Your Teenager: 3 Ways to Make the Time
Every now and then I'll get a story sent to me by e-mail that is a no-brainer idea for an article. One of those came across my desk just the other day. It's called "I Wish I Had a Second Chance."
Some Good News About Blended Families
They Spur Members To Grow Emotionally
The Top 10 Tips on Hiring a Babysitter
1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on hand.
Children and Mom and Paper
Memorabilia ? Children can create enough artwork for an entire gallery in a few short weeks. The key here is choices; establish a particular place-e.g., basket, drawer, or shelf ? for each child to put artwork. When that space is full, have one-on-one time with Mom and select your "three favorites". This is a lesson in life, which is continually full of choices. Then create a Memorabilia Box for each child where the favorites are kept. Keep the box in a convenient place, with the lid off, so it's easy to add new items. Use the same approach for photographs. A great parent-child activity is "scrap booking" ? have your child help make a family album, or get double prints, and let the children make their own. If you're not into albums, use attractive boxes. If you're on a tight budget you can use shoeboxes. Label the outside of each packet with the contents (e.g., Lee's 5th birthday, Mary's soccer outfit, etc.) with the date. At the end of the year, store your calendar with the photos in case you decide you want to create albums when the children are grown and you need to retrieve more specific dates. The key here is "Less is more." A few great photos are far superior to boxes of unidentified ones! One of the biggest causes of clutter ? and family disagreements -- is paper. Create a filing system for important papers. Create one file for each child for each area. For example, Medical Records ? Mary, St. John's High School ? Tom. Children can begin their own filing systems as soon as they start school. The key to any effective filing system is a File Index. This can be a handwritten list, a word processing document, a spreadsheet, or you can use Taming the Paper Tiger software (see below). A File Index will help you avoid making a file for "Summer Camp" when you already have one for "Camp Wesley." Here's a sample of some other file headings for information that children might like to file: Cartoons I like English Homework Family Information Friends Fun Things to Keep Gift Ideas for me Gift Ideas for others Hairstyles I like Math Homework New Year's Resolutions Phone Numbers/Addresses Recipes I can make Savings Account Scouting Information Summer Camp Information
Peer Pressure - Five Ways to Help Teenagers Beat Peer Influence
Young people generally want to fit in to their various social groups so peer approval is a significant driver for their behaviour. For a young person resisting peer influence can mean isolation or instant ostracising so it sometimes takes great strength of will to refuse to follow the crowd.
Advocating for Your Child with LD
Advocate: you've probably heard the term before. But what does it mean to you?
Potty Training Battle of the Wills
Some children practically potty train themselves, while others struggle and resist against the potty. Potty training should never turn into the battle of the wills. If it does, both you and your child will loose. When dealing with strong-willed child, it's best to turn potty training into a game. Use the following suggestions to make potty training fun and exciting for you and your child:
How A Home Water Filter Can Reduce Your Child?s Risk Of Learning Disabilities
Lead is one of the most dangerous toxins a person can be exposed to in his
lifetime. Besides damage from radioactive or nuclear chemicals, significant
exposure to lead can cause some of the most severe and even fatal health effects
possible.
Parents Role in Helping with Car Wash Fundraisers
As a parent you will be asked to assist with your children's car wash fundraiser activities. It is important that you take an active role in these endeavors. Car washing builds hard work ethic and teaches children the value of money. Please read below and see the advice that top car washing fundraising expert Lance Winslow gives to non-profit groups regarding the parent's roles and responsibilities in car wash fundraising.
Renee?s Mommy is Here
I still remember the scene vividly. I was getting out of my car at the baby-sitter's house and a little boy comes running out the door. The little boys begins to yell - "Renee's Mommy is here!" I remember stopping in my tracks and thinking - "Oh, that is who I am now - Renee's Mommy." My whole identity is now Renee's Mommy - or is it?
Lets Pretend
Children explore the world around them and learn through pretend play. With so many passive activities like watching TV and playing video games, we sometimes need to encourage our children to pretend play. Here are a few suggestions on how to get those creative juices flowing for both you and your child.
Entering Their Imaginative World
In dealing with children with autism spectrum disorders, its all about relationship. These children are within a realm where they feel and respond much differently than others. There has been much focus on trying to eliminate certain behaviors or to evoke particular responses in children which actually become rote and repetitive for them without context. One of the goals in aiding these children should be in helping them find meaning. In order to do this we must be willing to not look at the child as broken, unable to respond, or even unable to communicate. These children DO communicate, however they are not always able to manipulate their senses to communicate in the typical ways of other children. As a result, they can become easily frustrated and trapped. The therapist must enter their imaginative world and learn to communicate in their language.
How to Create an Emotional Bond with Your Child
One of the most powerful tools that parents have for raising their children is the natural emotional bond that exists between them and their child. Children who feel close to their parents will have a strong desire to obey them. No child with this type of connection to his parents will want to risk hurting that connection by disobeying them. When such a relationship exists, the mere look of dissatisfaction on the face of a parent will usually be enough to curb inappropriate behavior. This bond is so strong and so potent that it lasts even through adolescence when most of the disciplinary tools at our disposal are ineffective. Often, it is the only tool we have in guiding our teenage children. Parents who do not have such a connection with their children have lost a vital resource necessary for successful parenting.
Because Every Child Is A Born Genuis
Graphology for Child development.:- Graphology is the science of understanding the human mind through person's handwriting. When a person writes, the signal in the form of letters get decoded / printed on the paper by the fingers. Graphology aims at understanding & interpreting these signals through the writing. Using this we can know a persons mind so the thoughts, character and behavior.
|
