How To Live With Your Teenagers Untidy Room
'Whose room is it anyway?' If you have a teenager, you're no doubt familiar
with the warcry of independence: 'It's my room and I should be allowed to do as I
please.' You hear the aggrieved voice, but for the life of you, you
can't see beyond - the unmade bed
- the piles of discarded clothing
- the litter of books
- magazines
- scattered CD covers
- pizza boxes
- and soft drinks cans.
Your spirits plummet as you prepare to join battle yet
again. But let's stop for a moment and take stock. Do we really
need to create a fuss? We all know adolescence is a time of change. The desire for
independence is strong - yet the adolescent is still very
dependent, especially where finance is concerned. There's a subconscious need for rebellion during this phase:
our children feel a need to kick against the goad; to throw
off the shackles of childhood; to explore and develop this
strange, often threatening personality. That's why at around the age of thirteen our kids
'disappear' from the family circle and spend much of their
time in their rooms. It's like taking to the hills, a way of retreating from
the old folks and their 'naff' conversations, values and
ideals. The Untidy Room Syndrome states loudly and clearly,
'I want to do things MY WAY, not yours!' So the music blares, the scraps of food fester - as
would the unwashed clothes, if you let them! Only a privileged few receive an invite to the inner
sanctum. The rest make do with: 'Get out of my room!' MY room? We parents provide every home comfort. We pay the mortgage.
We pay the bills. We do the laundering. Yet we're told,
'Get out of MY room'! Let's laugh it off! (While insisting on
common courtesy, of course). Growing kids need their space, a safe haven where they can
'chill out'. So what about the mess? What stance should we take on that? Well, let's remember the mess is part of the rebellion. We
keep the rest of the home tidy, don't we? Then turn a blind eye (with one exception, which we'll come
to in a moment). Yes, turn a blind eye! If they want to scatter their CDs
and magazines and clothes in glorious chaos, let them. They're in a controlled, safe environment, after all - the
family home. They're not trashing the town, like so many
others. No, let them get the rebellion out of their systems.
Good news: it will only last a few years. And hard experience will teach them the lessons they need to
learn.
'Oops! My CD's don't play so well when they're scratched
and dusty.' 'I'm fed up looking for things and not finding them. There
has to be a better way!' Let's encourage our kids to keep a tidy room - but leave the details to them. So what about that exception? Lay down the law - with a sledge hammer if necessary! - when
it comes to matters of health and hygiene. If you do the laundering and your kids expect clean
clothes, then insist they pick up the items to be
washed and put them in the laundry basket. If they leave scraps of food and half-drunk cups of coffee,
insist they clear them away. Explain why you're taking this
line. There's no convincing objection they can raise! Insist they make a clearance for whoever does the vacuuming
and dusting. Apart from that, take a step back. If they can happily live
in the chaos, you can happily leave them to it. Relax. Bide your time. The fires of rebellious youth will
splutter and fizzle, and it will all come right in the
end. Happy Parenting! Why do some parents and children succeed, while others
fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. His writing includes children's fiction and
motivational books for both teenagers and parents.If you
want to further develop your parenting confidence and
encourage your kids to be all they can be, visit his web
pages,
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND
http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
Related News
Father to gallery: leave parenting to parents - Canada.com
Father to gallery: leave parenting to parentsCanada.com, Canada -Aug 25, 2008"I am appalled that an agency of the federal government would think it had the right to tell a parent how they can hold their child, that they are going to ... |
What it takes to be a good parent in today’s culture - The Prairie Star
Man sentenced to 18 months for cat stabbing - WTHI
Amherst Center: Lessons for town in kids' allowance debate - Amherst Bulletin
Parish needs more foster parents - Natchez Democrat
Parish needs more foster parentsNatchez Democrat, MS -2 hours agoIn that same region, there are approximately 200 foster parents. In Concordia Parish, there are only 10 foster parents, but there are 30 foster children in ... |
Struggles of single parenting - Waseca County News
Waseca County News |
Struggles of single parentingWaseca County News, MN -6 hours agoBjerklie’s parents, who live in Bjerklie’s hometown of Fergus Falls, Minn., have a tight-knit relationship with Hannah, and Bjerklie also has brothers who ... |
The Observer - Sarnia Observer
Sarah Palin's Feminists for Life Membership Points to Pro-Woman ... - LifeNews.com
Faith and Spiritual Life: Outreach - HeraldNet
Denver rules: A guide to parenting, the Democratic Convention way - Globe and Mail
|
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Playing Safe
Do you really want your child to enjoy playing with a toy that was made on the other side of the world by people who are no more than children themselves, and paid 30 cents an hour - a paltry sum that can barely sustain them? Unfortunately, all too often, that's exactly what you're doing.
A Dads Thoughts On Dads day
21 Reasons I Love Being A Dad
The Theme from MASH - Suicide is Not Painless
The Theme from MASH
Moms - Get More Energy Now
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect
their wives or partners to do the lion's share.
How to Make a Time Capsule
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve a slice of history by creating a time capsule for your loved one?
How To Teach Your Children Social Skills
As our children grow, they will be going to schools and interacting with lots of different people other. For example, friends and teachers. Hence it is necessary to teach them the social skills that enable them to get along with others, work as part of a group, follow rules, make and keeps friends and act with confidence. These abilities also help our children to build good character.
How to Silence Your Childs Inner Critic
Children do what feels good to them and follow their natural instincts. Well meaning parents teach children that it is not socially acceptable to behave in certain ways, thus going against a child's natural inclinations. Children internalize the voices from their parents, teachers and other adults in their lives and start to criticize themselves. Although parents are being helpful, this often contributes to the birth of the inner critic.
Five Easy Steps to Picking the Perfect Baby Name
One of the few decisions you'll make during pregnancy that
will, in fact, last throughout your child's lifetime is the
choice of your baby's name. (Unlike, for example, your
choice of stroller or whether to use Lamaze or hypnosis to
ease labor pains.) To choose the best name for your baby,
follow these simple tips:
Promote Physical Fitness for Your Child
If your child is to derive the benefits of physical fitness, then physical activity must be habitual and lifelong. Moving should be as routine as brushing teeth and bathing. But this is only likely to happen if:
1. Physical activity is a habit of yours ? and of your family's.
2. It's associated with pleasure rather than pain!
Making Internet Chat Safe For Your Children
No matter what you say or do, your kids will chat and use IM (instant messengers) over the internet. That's a given. But since you have the obligation to protect your children, be aware that there are parent-friendly software tools that can assist you.
What the Matter Is
When my oldest boy was really young, he tickled my mother with that phrase. I would ask him, "What's the matter?" and he would answer me, "Well, what the matter is..." followed by whatever it was that he needed to discuss with me. He would say it with that very serious face that children get when they are expecting to be taken very seriously. We all loved the cute way he prefaced his concerns.
No, No, No -- What Else is a Parent to Say?
The word no is probably the most overused word in the English language. I speak from experience since I myself use it frequently.
Mom, Dad and the Big Brother
Software for parental control is a useful tool, if applied right. Millions of parents in the USA alone do check their kids' online behavior. In November 2004 a telephone survey made by the Pew Internet and American Life Project showed that:
Are Public Schools Anti-Parent?
Some public schools try to turn children against their parents with scary classroom stories or lessons about child abuse. Public school authorities have increasingly decided that they are children's first line of defense against child abuse. This new attitude falls under what is now known as "protective behavior curriculum."
Responsible Fatherhood - A Unique And Irreplaceable Role!
Something happened the other day that made me feel uneasy.
Yet I shouldn't have felt that way!
Hold a Childs Birthday Party for Charity
As a parent, you probably know that the birthday party routine can be an almost painful experience. With about 20 children in your child's class, going to more than one birthday party in one weekend can occur quite often. If you have more than one child, birthday-party weekends can take over your entire life. Finding the right gift takes hours, wrapping the present and preparing the card is more time. When it is your child's turn for a birthday party, do you really want to put other parents through the same routine? Will your child really appreciate 20 birthday gifts on top of what you and your family have already given him? Does your child really need more toys?
Our Recommended Eating Program for ADHD
Below is a copy of our eating program for Attention Deficit Disorder - ADD ADHD kids. It is not a very strict program, unless you are used to having most meals at your local fast food restaurant. The information on Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder presented here from the ADD Information Library is for educational purposes only. It is not intended to replace the expert and professional advice of your physician, psychologist, or therapist. Always seek help from qualified professionals in the field of attention deficit disorder. Always consult your physician.
Ease Bug Bites with Easy Herbs
Summertime means insect bites and stings. Ouch! Take a leaf from Susun S. Weed's storehouse of natural remedies: Soothe, heal, and prevent bites with safe herbal remedies that grow right where you live: north or south, east or west, city or country. The best natural remedies for insect bites are right underfoot.
Pipe Down!
Life is funny.
Vehicle Safety - Following Simple Vehicle Safety Tips Can Reduce Auto Accidents and Injuries
Child Car Seat Safety:
|
