Strong-willed Kids: Raising a Spirited Child
Sometimes a change of perspective can make a huge difference for parents when their children's behaviour worries them. This point was evident recently when I was involved in a minor disagreement with one of my daughters. I was annoyed that she dug her heels in and refused to give me any ground while we discussing the issue of bed-time. As she went off to her room with a victorious look on her face I said through gritted teeth, "She can be so pig-headed sometimes. I just wish that she would give in occasionally. She is so determined." My wife reminded me that my daughter's determination was the same quality that I had been admiring on the basketball court about an hour earlier. She was right. I was nearly hoarse cheering my daughter as she ran up and down the court like a terrier. She was involved in every contest, burrowing in, determined to get the ball and do the best for her team. She continually encouraged her team-mates when the game wasn't going their way. Giving up is not in her nature. As a parent I was so proud of her tremendous tenacity and will-to-win. Yet here I was little more than an hour later cursing the same quality that I admired in a different arena. Her never-say-die attitude in sport had become never-give-in at home and I wasn't comfortable with that. I can't have it both ways - a daughter who is tiger in sport but a pussy cat at home. The strong-willed girl that I cheer in basketball is not going to become a quiet, acquiescent little thing at home just to appease her father. So I shrugged my shoulders, thankful that my daughter knows what she wants and has the determination to achieve it. This same determination has been an asset in many areas of her life. It has helped her overcome earlier reading difficulties and is being put to good use as she tries to improve in other areas at school. My challenge as a parent is to channel her behaviours rather than change her or snuff out her determination to get what she wants. My daughter will learn in time that she cannot always treat every situation head-on and that to get her own way sometimes it is essential to give a little ground. In the meantime I will have to change my own way of dealing with her if we are to avoid unnecessary conflict. It will make for interesting times when she enters adolescence! As a parent it is easy to see only the negative side of children's behaviours. At times we are so close to our children or tired and fatigued that we lose our objectivity and our sense of proportion goes out the window. When they fail to meet our expectations it is often hard to look for a positive side. Often it takes another person, a neutral observer to paint a brighter picture. A friend told me of her surprise when her son's teacher commented on his "creative, artistic streak". She informed the teacher that she found the assessment strange as the only creativity she ever saw from her son was "the endless chaos of an untidy bedroom." She admits that she sees the mess in a different light since then. Another friend who was so tired of her son continually asking her questions that she dubbed him "the walking question mark" was heartened when a friend congratulated her for having such an inquisitive son. "You are lucky to have a child who asks you questions. I just wish my children showed the same attitude to learning," said the hapless mother who was frustrated by the lack of curiosity of her off-spring. One child's vice is another child's virtue. It just depends on the perspective that you take. No matter how infuriating our kids can be if we look hard enough or even change our perspective we can see a positive side. The same qualities that may annoy parents can be an asset in the schoolyard, classroom or even the workplace a few years down the track. Stubbornness is a short step away from assertiveness which is an admirable quality for both sexes. Attention-seekers while draining for parents can be very gregarious and have a stack of friends. Bossy kids who love to give orders can make good leaders provided you show them how. Effective teachers look for opportunities to turn children's more dubious behaviours into assets. Talkative kids are given opportunities to use their verbal skills legitimately through oral reports and other classroom activities. Strong-willed children are encouraged to be independent, take more responsibility for their own learning and be involved in decisions that affect them. Those children who have difficulty sitting still often excel in activities like sport, art or drama when given the chance. The way that adults see children's behaviour affects how they treat them. Trying to find a positive side even when children are getting up our nose is not only a sanity-saver but helps us enjoy rather than simply endure our kids. Michael Grose is The Parent Coach. For seventeen years he has been helping parents deal with the rigours of raising kids and survive!! For information about Michael's Parent Coaching programs or just some fine advice and ideas to help you raise confident kids and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au
Related News
Denver rules: A guide to parenting, the Democratic Convention way - Globe and Mail
Struggles of single parenting - Waseca County News
Waseca County News |
Struggles of single parentingWaseca County News, MN -6 hours agoBjerklie’s parents, who live in Bjerklie’s hometown of Fergus Falls, Minn., have a tight-knit relationship with Hannah, and Bjerklie also has brothers who ... |
Faith and Spiritual Life: Outreach - HeraldNet
Amherst Center: Lessons for town in kids' allowance debate - Amherst Bulletin
Parish needs more foster parents - Natchez Democrat
Parish needs more foster parentsNatchez Democrat, MS -3 hours agoIn that same region, there are approximately 200 foster parents. In Concordia Parish, there are only 10 foster parents, but there are 30 foster children in ... |
Man sentenced to 18 months for cat stabbing - WTHI
Father to gallery: leave parenting to parents - Canada.com
Father to gallery: leave parenting to parentsCanada.com, Canada -Aug 25, 2008"I am appalled that an agency of the federal government would think it had the right to tell a parent how they can hold their child, that they are going to ... |
What it takes to be a good parent in today’s culture - The Prairie Star
Sarah Palin's Feminists for Life Membership Points to Pro-Woman ... - LifeNews.com
The Observer - Sarnia Observer
|
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Simple Living in a Materialistic World
We were sitting in the family room. My kids had finished their first day back at school after the holiday break, and my wife was working late. Michael, my six-year-old son, was finger knitting. Sarah, my eight-year-old, was knitting a scarf. I sat near them and folded clothes. Occasionally someone would share something that had happened during the day, but otherwise it was quiet.
The POWER of Reading
Reading to your child at a young age is one of the most effective tools for expanding his mind and instilling a lifelong love of learning. Reading a good book allows your child to travel to places she has never been, to meet people she has never met, and to develop an understanding of how to deal with a variety of physical and emotional situations.
Gifted Children - Getting the Balance Right
One of the challenges for parents with a gifted child is to encourage them to develop a range of interest outside the academic sphere that not only rounds them out but stops them from being isolated from their peers
Gifted children are a diverse group of kids who are talented in specific areas such as mathematics, language, sport or music. Some gifted kids are mutli-talented excelling in a variety of areas.
The Laid Back Parents Guide to Teaching Your Child to Read
At first I thought of titling this article "The Lazy Parent's Guide" but
then I realized that most parents aren't lazy, but they may have a
slightly different philosophy about children and learning.
Spare the Child, Ditch the Rod
Spare the rod, spoil the child!
The Financially Intelligent Parent: 8 Steps to Raising Successful, Generous, Responsible Children
What you say and do about money has a profound influence on your child. There are money moments every day that you can use to teach your children important skills and lessons about life. But what to say or do isn't always obvious. Is it a good idea to pay for chores or grades? How do you help your child develop a work ethic? How do you structure an allowance to help your child learn to make choices? Why is involving your children in charity so important? Eileen and Jon Gallo, experts in the fields of children, psychology and money, provide parents with eight key behaviors that will help them raise financially responsible children:
Motherhood is a Perfect Adventure
How often do you think of family life as an adventure or delightful experience? If you and your children are having a good day, then you might buy into this idea. However, many of you are probably laughing hysterically now. What is delightful about the children fighting for the umpteenth time today? Sometimes I bet your family life feels like a jungle with screeching and swinging monkeys.
Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the Victims
How many times have you flipped through the pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like "Brats," "Bullies," or "Mean and Selfish"? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today's media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America's so-called "out-of-control" children. The problem is, while these negative images are a wake up call, they are not doing anything to help troubled children. In fact, they only add to the problem. By labeling children brats, bullies, or mean and selfish, we are imposing the very same behaviors on them that we teach as being wrong.
Using Diet, Counseling, and Attend to Overcome ADHD
When it comes to the treatment of Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder or with problems of Attention, Impulse Control, Over-Activity, or Learning Problems in "the real world," there are a number of approaches to treatment that may work well.
How to Prepare for Labor
Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman for the day she delivers her first baby, there are some simple suggestions that should help make this amazing experience a little bit easier.
Meningitis and Septicaemia
Meningitis is an inflammation of the membranes around the brain and spinal cord. It is caused by either a virus or bacteria.
For School Success, Dont Coddle Your Kids
Parents want their children to succeed in school. However, sometimes their best intentions are misguided. Attempts to provide children with a wonderful life can, in fact, increase the stress of the entire family.
Why Mother?s Day is Important For Children
Mother's Day is important for children.
I WONT DO IT! Tips for Working with the Oppositional Child
"I WON'T DO IT!" "YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!"
Guide Your Kids! This 3-D Map Leads to Character
A tall, weary-looking mother with glasses, walked into my counseling office with her 10-year-old-daughter. The mother frowned at me and sat down. "Oh-oh!" I thought. "Why are you here?" I inquired.
Working Moms vs. Stay-at-Home Moms, Lets Stop Debating Each Other and Debate the System Instead!
I could nearly fund my children's future education if I received money every time I've heard a woman say, "I wish I could afford to stay at home full time." Sometimes you can recognize a few working women making this statement to avoid judgment from the stay-at-home parenting world (and they shouldn't feel this way). However, a majority of these women truly prefer to be at home, and are spending days trapped in a work "cell" and feeling committed for life.
Homeschooling ? Can I Do It?
Many parents would like to homeschool their children but are afraid they don't have the training or ability to be their children's teacher. This is certainly understandable, because most parents never had any formal training to be a teacher. However, most parents don't have to worry about this issue.
Stay at Home Mom You Need to Raise Cowboys
Now I know that is not how the song goes, I have had cousins from central Texas drag me to Gilley's to listen to that song live and they sang every word without missing a beat. So no emails about the title, please.
Considering Daycare? Consider the Pros and Cons
When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know whether to send your child to daycare or not. We have provided many of the pros and cons of sending your child to daycare for your consideration. In our opinion, nothing replaces the day-to-day interaction that you can provide with your child. We also believe that some interaction with other children either through occasional daycare, part-time, or through play-groups and other educational learning programs are invaluable. We also recognize that Mom or Dad also needs to have a break and occasional daycare can provide that for them. What we don't believe in is a baby or toddler being in someone else's care for eight hours or more a day everyday! That's not fair to your child. So with all that in mind, please consider the pros and cons listed below. And may you make the right decision for your children and yourself.
Educational Toys And Childrens Books - A Must For Optimal Childhood Development
The brightly colored plastic mobile dangles lazily overhead in the infant's crib. The baby coos as its tiny arms swing a rattle back and forth. In another room a pre-school youngster is busy assembling the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle and upstairs a teen is conquering worlds on a computerized video game. What do all of these activities have in common? They are examples of children playing with educational toys.
|
