5 Tips for Improving Communication With Your Teenager
Parents are always looking for ways to open up the communication with their teenagers. Here are 5 ideas that are all within your control. Some may represent an attitude shift, some are tactics you can apply; all have the potential to dramatically improve the communication between you and your teen. 1.) Stephen Covey has provided us with some of the best advice for improving all communication: "Seek first to understand, and then to be understood."* This is especially helpful to apply to your communication with your teens. Parents have a tendency to react quickly sometimes, and this can work against your desires to improve communication. Your child comes home with "D" on a Spanish test. Before you jump too quickly, ask what happened. Your new driver is late for curfew. You are pacing and sick with worry. It's easy to jump down her throat when she comes in the door, even if you are relieved to see her. Listen to her first. Not only can you save face, she learns that you will listen to her and respect what she has to say. 2.) "Be there" despite rejection Sometimes parents' feelings are hurt if it feels like their teenager is rejecting them. These dynamics may be a natural part of the process; as teens learn to stand on their own and develop a reliance on their own decisions, parents can feel a sense of rejection? and sometimes parents pout or turn away feeling as though they are not needed. But even through these hurt feelings we must continue to reach out to our kids. They are in the midst of dramatic developmental shifts, they are sometimes overwhelmed with the events, feelings, changes that are part of their life. Parents need to "be there" ? reaching out, letting them know they are loved, no matter what. Don't misread their cues by minimizing your communication; continue to "be there" because they need you more than ever. 3.) Listen with your heart; trust your intuition You trusted your intuition when your child was young. Remember that conversation with the doctor when you knew he had an ear infection even though the exam didn't show it? Parents of teenagers sometimes allow stereotypes about teenagers to carry more weight than their own intuition. Don't let this happen to you. Even though your teenager is changing, you still know him better than anybody else does. If your intuition tells you he's still a good kid, don't fall into the trap of
distrusting him. If your intuition tells you something is wrong, take action and get help. You need to trust all your faculties and to develop the ability to "listen" on all available wave lengths. 4.) Go ahead and Negotiate ? it's good! It's perfectly appropriate for parents with teenagers to negotiate with them. Teens deserve the opportunity to have input into the rules that apply to them. As they mature the rules change, and their ability to negotiate gives you insight into your child's level of maturity. This is valuable information for you. You are also helping your teenager develop important life skills. Negotiation is also good because it requires parents to examine the rules they are applying and to intentionally and thoughtfully change them as teens develop. This doesn't mean that you cave in to pressure or that you allow them freedom that doesn't feel right. But it does mean you discuss the rules and the reasons behind them. 5.) Sometimes indirect communication works best
Not all teenagers can sit down for heart-to-heart talks. In fact, probably very few can. How do parents cover sensitive ground when kids won't stop long enough to even talk? Get comfortable with indirect communication. Write a note, a letter, an e-mail. Plan a short conversation when your teen is in the car with you. They listen to everything you say even if they don't look like it. You may need to give them time to absorb what you are saying without having to respond to you. Get used to indirect communication, it's often the most effective way with teens. *Covey,Stephen, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People © 2004 Sue Blaney Sue Blaney is the author of Please Stop the Rollercoaster! How Parents of Teenagers Can Smooth Out the Ride, a book/workbook/program that guides parents to examine the range of issues they are likely to face. For information on this unique and flexible resource visit our website http://www.PleaseStoptheRollercoaster.com
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
How To Teach Children Loyalty and Dependability
Individualism is a common thing in today's modern society. Many people care more about themselves than others and do what they like with little consideration for people whom may be affected by their action. It is quite a sad thing. You can see that there are is a general lack of loyalty and commitment to people own belongings. For example,
The Courage to Be a Loving Parent
Most of us really don't like it when someone is angry at us. We don't like it when people go into resistance to helping us when we need help, instead of caring about us. We don't like it when people withdraw from us, disconnecting from us and shutting us out. We don't like it when people make demands on us and do not respect our right or need to say no. Many of us will do almost anything to avoid the soul loneliness and pain we feel when people treat us in angry, resistant, demanding and uncaring ways.
Facing the Homeschool Super Mom
I know this Mom. She homeschools her 5 children, plus she tutors several other children that are dropped off at her house. AND she's a Pastor's wife. AND she's working on fixing up the fixer-upper they just moved into. Whenever I've been in her house, it's been immaculate. Her children all have perfect manners. They all seem to be way ahead of their grade level. She's definitely gotta be a Homeschool Super Mom.
Top Seven Tips To Become A Good Stepmother
Becoming a stepmother can undoubtedly be one of the most challenging, yet rewarding, experiences in a woman's life.
How Children Learn
Nurture and Teach
Difference
There are times when my ideas of raising a child is different from the elderly and others. To begin with, my baby is not an easy one. Because we're all different and have contrasting ideas about raising their own children, we should expect contradiction...especially if we have to depend on others to help take care of our children while we're away at work.
They Call it Puppy Love
My son is 6 yrs old.
He came home the other day from school and stated that he had two girlfriends.
I asked him who they were.
And he said one was in his class and the other was in the other Kindergarten class.
He said one of them asked him to be her boyfriend, and the other he just liked, so she was his girlfriend too.
He liked her so he assumed she was his girlfriend too.
Homeschool Socialization - Developing Your Homeschool Childs Social Skills
Everyone needs friends, and, as parents, you and I both know we're responsible for our children's social lives as well as our own. As homeschoolers, we also know that kids don't need public school pressure in order to find friends . . . so I'm not going to waste your time with hundreds of statistics to support homeschoolers and socialization. Instead let's explore the top two ways to find life long friends for our children . . . and ourselves!
How to Prepare for Labor
Although nothing anybody says can ever completely prepare a woman for the day she delivers her first baby, there are some simple suggestions that should help make this amazing experience a little bit easier.
How to Teach Anger Management to Your Child
Most of us recognize the continuing escalation of violence around us, due to intolerance, and many of us blame it on somebody else. Parents teach their children, all the time, and when one of us displays "road rage," while our child is in the car, we teach a brand new skill set.
Teach Children The Skills Of Optimism
Optimists do better academically, socially and enjoy better health than pessimists.
Natural Disasters: Help Your Child Cope With The Anxiety
How on earth can you help your family cope with the anxiety
and fear that natural disasters strike into the heart of
everyone?
Preparing Your Child for the Three Rs
There is little doubt that reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic are crucial elements in the education of any child. A child's ability to later cope in the adult world, to have a career, to take charge of his financial affairs and to live independently depends to a large extent on his mastery of these skills.
Diagnosing ADHD in Your Child, an Introduction
Everyone in a private practice setting who works with children or adults is going to have their own opinion on how Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder - ADD or ADHD - should be diagnosed. Some clinics take the perspective that "more is good," and will recommend a large battery of tests, often costing many thousands of dollars. Other clinics, typically with hurried physicians, will simply give a brief rating scales to the parents and then make a quick diagnosis and prescribe treatment, usually a medication.
Assume Personal Responsibility? Who, Me?
As thinking, acting human beings we have the ability to choose our response to events, people and circumstances. We do not become responsible when we mature; we mature when we become responsible.
The Top 10 Tips on Hiring a Babysitter
1. Encourage your babysitter by keeping their favorite foods/snacks on hand.
Ten Tips for a Great First Day of School!
Many children are jittery on the first day of school. Listed are ways to prepare your child for the big day!
SMUT Spelled Backwards is TUMS
Why are more people, especially parents not outraged?
How to Silence Your Childs Inner Critic
Children do what feels good to them and follow their natural instincts. Well meaning parents teach children that it is not socially acceptable to behave in certain ways, thus going against a child's natural inclinations. Children internalize the voices from their parents, teachers and other adults in their lives and start to criticize themselves. Although parents are being helpful, this often contributes to the birth of the inner critic.
Help Your Kids Learn More About Managing Their Personal Economy
Remember when cash was a tangible commodity in all of our personal economies? As kids, we went to the bank, shopped with our parents and frequently watched them pay with cash. Now with cash on the endangered species list, today's kids see their personal economic situation much differently. As we enjoy the convenience of charge cards, stored value cards, debit cards and ATM cards, the challenge of teaching kids about an invisible commodity like money is magnified. If you're searching for ways to teach your kids more about what makes up their personal economy, including the importance of saving and how to set and reach their financial goals, here are some practical tips.
|
