Natural Disasters: Help Your Child Cope With The Anxiety
How on earth can you help your family cope with the anxiety
and fear that natural disasters strike into the heart of
everyone? In early 2005, for example, the world was rocked by the
tsunami in South East Asia that killed thousands and left
many homeless and orphaned. Yet, at the Edinburgh International Festival yesterday I saw
a group of Sri Lankan children, all victims of this natural
disaster, perform a dance routine based on a play by
Shakespeare. Their smiling faces and youthful exuberance left no one in
any doubt that these kids had not only survived, but had
been helped to grieve, move on, and live life to the full
again. It can be done. But what of our own kids, who have not suffered the actual
experience of a disaster? They may nevertheless fall prey
to an insidious and potentially devastating trauma. This is unacknowledged fear or anxiety, and
many parents may
be unaware that it's happening to their own kids under their
very noses. I say unacknowledged anxiety because often children
themselves don't recognise it for what it is. And that's
when real trouble starts! Often our kids witness disasters on TV. If they're shocked
or horrified, and are reluctant to talk about their
response,
the fear can become repressed. It then manifests in
'side effects' such as physical ailments, school problems,
relationship difficulties, or loss of confidence. So what can parents do to help? First of all we must realise that kids take in more than we
think they do. For example, when the AIDS crisis was preoccupying every
radio and TV station in the western world it never dawned on
my wife and I that our young kids would even think about it.
We thought they were too wrapped up in Star Wars or
The Care Bears or whatever the current fads were. We noticed that one of our sons was becoming untypically
fretful and anxious, and wasn't sleeping well. During a particularly bad episode one night, it all came
out. He didn't know what the AIDS crisis was, but it
terrified him! He was shaking uncontrollably, and thought we
were all going to die horrible deaths very soon. We overcame this problem, and I've since learned that our
son's reaction was similar to that of many kids' when they
don't fully understand something - and we parents go about
our business in blissful ignorance! So first of all, be aware that natural disasters, and even
human atrocities like terrorist events, can make a deep
impact on even very young children. Bring the kids into the discussion. Avoid playing down the
reality of these events, and allow the kids to express their
feelings openly and frankly. Having dealt with the horrors - and trust me, the kids will
feel better after talking about them! - concentrate on other
aspects of the subject. First of all, make a frank assessment of the likelihood of
it happening to them. If there's been an earthquake somewhere, and you live in an
area that's not likely to be affected by one, let them know.
If you do live in an earthquake zone, stress the
procedures to be followed in the event. But also look for the GOOD springing from disasters or
accidents: people rally round; poor countries have their
debts written off; measures are taken (such as building sea
walls and early detectors) to ensure the disaster
doesn't happen again . . . And discuss ways the kids
themselves can help, like fund raising. Most importantly, provide emotional support when fear
strikes. The awareness that there's a strong, warm,
comforting adult presence - a pillar of strength in their
lives - can work wonders. To sum up: Be aware of the kids' reactions, talk out their
fears, look for ways to take helpful action, and provide the
emotional support your kids need. Do this, and you can rest assured your kids will cope with
the news of disasters and atrocities, which in modern
life are all too inevitable. Happy parenting! Why do some parents and children succeed, while others
fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. If you want to develop your parenting
skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be,
visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html
and http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
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