Normal and Logical Consequences

Successful parents have learned to be both firm and kind at the same time. They set boundaries and work with their children to help them understand that they will follow through with appropriate action if inappropriate behavior continues. Don't think when I say firmness that I really mean strictness. Strictness deals with the child; firmness is more an extension of our resolve toward our decisions.

AN EXAMPLE OF KIND, BUT FIRM CONSEQUENCES

"Yes, you may play in the sprinkler, but you must dry off before coming in doors. If you do not dry off and you get water on the floor, you will not be allowed to play with the water for the rest of the day."

There is no better place for your child to learn values, standards, and social skills than in the home. There is no better teaching method than letting natural consequences take place. If you as an adult don't pay the phone bill, they cut off your service. If your child doesn't turn in his report, he receives a low grade. If there are no natural consequences, parents sometimes have to establish a logical one. Make sure that your children have a clear understanding of their actions and the consequences. We want them to comprehend that for every action there is a reaction, either pleasant or unpleasant. There should be no question that when your ruin your sister's sweater, you pay for a new one and, if the laundry is not done by the agreed-upon time, that they may not go with their friends.

CONSEQUENCE MUST FIT THE MISBEHAVIOR

Consequences must fit the misbehavior in order for it to be a teaching tool. It is frequently more effective to ask children what they think is a fair consequence rather than arbitrarily handing out a life sentence. It gives them a chance to examine the problem and come up with other solutions. It also helps them to assume personal responsibility for their choices and actions.

You will be amazed at the wise answers your children will give you when you ask them, "What do you think is fair?" or even, "This is a real problem. What should we do about it?" The easier road is to yell at them, ground them, or punish them, but that road doesn't teach them much or allow them to solve their own problems. It only makes the parent resentful and the child angry. The higher road takes a few more minutes, a calm voice, and a reasonable manner, but it leaves the child with his/her pride intact and tools to recognize how actions impact other people and things.

DON'T ACCEPT "I FORGOT"

Establish a rule: three reminders to do a job and you lose a privilege. Make sure that you all agree on the consequences beforehand, and then stick to them. Do not accept "I forgot". If children "forget", or just don't do their chores, it is much more effective for them to receive a visual reminder than verbal attack on their integrity by fuming parents. If your son is supposed to take out the garbage or clean the cat box and doesn't, simply place it on his bed or pillow where he can't miss seeing it. Don't get roped into a verbal confrontation. When he comes to you complaining because his room stinks, simply smile and say, "Oh that must be why the garbage needs to be taken out daily. It is your responsibility to take care of it." Then, just walk away.

Assign a "police sergeant" to pick up every night at 8:00 p.m. Any item left lying about can be held for a fine, payable to the sergeant. If you are not giving allowances, the same idea can be accomplished by giving each child a number of tokens or buttons each day or at the family council. The buttons can be used to "buy" treats and treasures from a special box. When children pay fines, it is the logical consequences for not picking up their toys and belongings.

NATURAL AND LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES ARE THE BEST TEACHERS

Congratulations for wanting to do better for your family. Remember you don't have to be a perfect parent but you need to be a present parent. They need your presence and attention much more than presents from Toys-R-Us or Wall Mart. Ninety percent of success is just showing up every day and caring.

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of car you drove, what you did for a living, how many hours you stayed at the office to finish a report, how clean your house was or how many "things" you had acquired. What will matter is that because you took the time and effort to be important in the life of your child, you touched eternity and changed the world.

Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator

©2005 www.ArtichokePress.com

This article has been written by Judy H. Wright, a parent educator and PBS consultant. You will find a full listing of books, tele-classes, and workshops listed at www.ArtichokePress.com. You have permission to use the article providing full credit is given to author. She may be contacted at 406-549-9813 or JudyWright@ArtichokePress.com

Related News

Positive Parenting Practices May Prevent Aggressive Behavior Among ... - AAP Grand Rounds (registration) Positive Parenting Practices May Prevent Aggressive Behavior Among ... AAP Grand Rounds (registration), IL -17 hours ago Positive parenting and early puberty in girls: protective effects against aggressive behavior. Arch Pediatr Adolesc Med. 2008;162(8):781–786; ... (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) - Examiner.com Examiner.com (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) Examiner.com -4 hours ago by Tim Wright, Houston Workforce Performance Examiner Change is not just something leaves do. Change occurs in our efforts to improve profitability, ... Gay adoption ruling favors good parenting over sexual orientation - Sun-Sentinel.com Gay adoption ruling favors good parenting over sexual orientation Sun-Sentinel.com, FL -9 hours ago As a parent myself, all I can do (and it is not enough) is commend Miami-Dade Circuit Judge Cindy Lederman for a fair and just ruling, which put the welfare ... New blow to adoption banPalm Beach Post all 4 news articles Anderson court records detail accused killer's commitment to parenting - Anderson Independent Mail Anderson court records detail accused killer's commitment to parenting Anderson Independent Mail, SC -23 hours ago In 2006, family court officials ordered both parents to submit to drug tests and to comply with court-ordered behaviors, including the exposure of their ... Learning Parenting 101: Better Late Than Never - Hartford Courant Learning Parenting 101: Better Late Than Never Hartford Courant, United States -16 hours ago Welcome to Parenting 101, a two-part introduction to the fundamentals of effective child-rearing. Upon passing this course, which will conclude with next ... (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) - Examiner.com (ie San Francisco hiking, San Francisco parenting) Examiner.com -4 hours ago by Nate Ferguson, Real Estate Headlines Examiner If you’re a first-time home buyer, the fixer-upper route may be a good bet. But if you want to sell your ... Parenting class offered at Firelands - Port Clinton News Herald Parenting class offered at Firelands Port Clinton News Herald, OH -4 hours ago Among the essential information offered to participants, parents will be taught a step-by-step approach to quickly soothe the fussiest baby. ... Read and be seen: parenting skills for dads - Great Dad Read and be seen: parenting skills for dads Great Dad, California -9 hours ago That's according to new parenting advice due to be presented to experts in Australia this week, the Sydney Morning Herald reports. ... Culinary bad boy Anthony Bourdain dishes on parenting and food - The Canadian Press The Canadian Press Culinary bad boy Anthony Bourdain dishes on parenting and food The Canadian Press, MIAMI BEACH -2 hours ago MIAMI BEACH — After spending years introducing television viewers to unusual eats from around the globe, culinary bad boy Anthony Bourdain is focused on a ... Parenting Tips - Modesto Bee Parenting Tips Modesto Bee, CA -49 minutes ago By Tom McMahon Yes, 'tis the season for colds and flu. Almost 22 million school days are lost each year to the common cold alone. With a little effort, ...