Watch Your Language! - How Parents Can Help Kids Help Themselves
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then it
all went wrong!' No, this wasn't a teacher talking! It was a high school
student on the day of an important exam. She needed a good grade in a particular subject to qualify
for a place at college, so she had worked hard and psyched
herself up for success. Then she blew it. She walked into the classroom where
students were gathering before going to the exam hall, and
allowed herself to be influenced by them. She told me the atmosphere in the room was charged with
negativity. People were sitting around with gloomy faces,
some were wringing their hands and pacing up and down.
Others were uttering such comments as: 'I'm going to fail, I just know it!'
'This is going to be SO hard!'
'Mr So-and-So said we've nobody to blame but ourselves.'
'Yeah, it's been an easy paper the last two years. They're
bound to toughen up this year.' So it went on. And the girl in question allowed herself to
be sucked under. She reported a feeling of nausea as the
confidence drained from her. In fact, she never failed, but to everyone's disappointment,
she never got the high grade expected of her. However, she learned two very important lessons that day: * Negative language produces negative results * If we're not careful we can easily become 'infected' by
the negativity of others. Our experience in any situation is largely influenced by our
attitude to it, (i.e. the way we FEEL, the way we react
emotionally to the situation). Our attitude is affected by our thoughts, our thoughts
affect our language, and our thoughts are in turn affected
BY our language. And not only by our OWN language, but by the language of
others - if we're not careful, that is. Here in the UK teachers are used to hearing students
say 'I'm stuck!' when working on a classroom assignment or
exercise. A challenge has been encountered and the student
is having difficulty finding a solution. Fair enough, ask the teacher for help, that's what they're
there for. Many a parent has given their kids that advice. But what's the effect of saying 'I'm stuck'? What message does that send to the brain? As a teacher, I've experimented with this many times - and
the results are always the same! Whenever I hear someone say 'I'm stuck' I usually say,
'Right, I'll be with you shortly.' And I leave them to it. Other kids will say 'Can you help me, please?' and I'll give
them the same reply. Now, without fail, the students who were 'stuck' sit and
vegetate until the teacher comes over. After all, they've
given their brains a message: 'Down tools! There's nothing
more we can do right now.' The kids who say they need help, however, are always to be
found pondering over their work, trying to work out a
solution. That's the influence of language! I should add, I only ever hear the cries of 'I'm stuck!' in
a class that's new to me. Very quickly the students learn
that they're not trees, so they're not stuck! This is not a denial of reality - it's simply a way of
INTERPRETING reality, and a much better, more effective way
at that. As a writer, I often hear people say they'd love to write a
book. Recently one young woman said exactly that, then followed up
with '. . . but I don't suppose I ever will.' She was rather offended when I replied, 'No, I don't suppose
you will.' However, we talked about negative language, and she was
grateful for the advice. As Henry Ford so aptly put it: 'If
you think you can't - you're right!' So how can we, as parents, help in our child's education
and in life in general? Help them monitor their language. And, as always, give them
a good example by keeping our own language positive!
Gently point out that 'I hate Chemistry!' will only
reinforce a negative attitude to that subject. 'I need to work at Chemistry' will make it easier to do just
that! When kids complain they are bored, encourage them to think,
'I could be more interested in this!' The message to the
brain? - 'Come on, rouse yourself! Take an interest.' So far, so good. But what about the negative language of
others, which can so easily throw our kids off guard. Here's a simple technique that, believe me, really works! When you encounter a negative atmosphere or negative
language, try to remove yourself from it. But if you can't,
just imagine you are enclosed in a plastic bubble or glass
bell jar - double or triple glazed if necessary! Tell yourself that your positive contributions can go
out
and affect others, but their negative comments bounce off
and don't get near you. Try it. It works . . . Happy parenting! Why do some parents and children succeed, while others
fail?
Frank McGinty is an internationally published author and
teacher. If you want to develop your parenting
skills and encourage your kids to be all they can be,
visit his web pages, http://www.frank-mcginty.com/peace-formula.html AND http://www.frank-mcginty.com/for-parents.html
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Teaching Reading: Part One
One of the biggest milestones in our children's education is when they learn how to read. You've probably asked yourself, "When is the best time to teach my child to read?" You can research this until you are blue in the face, but the answer is really very simple. You've already started, because from the moment your child is born, you are teaching him. We talk to our babies. We read to them. We sing to them. We recite silly little verses while we change their diapers or put them in their car seat. We hug and cuddle our children. We play with them. We laugh with them. We read to them.
Labeling is Disabling: Achieving Congruent Communication
A small town, somewhere in the world, was managed by a town council of seven or eight members.
Parenting Your Teenager: Back to School Blues
Q: Our son has been in honors classes all through school up until his junior year last year, when his grades took a dive. What could be going on and what can we do about it?
Communication Mistakes Parents Often Make - And Easy Ways To Correct Them
As parents, we love our children and want to do the best for them. At times, however, the pressures of living every day create stress and distractions for all of us. We can easily fall into communication habits that are not effective, especially when we need to discipline our children or teenagers, or to talk with them about sensitive issues.
Dexedrine, Cylert, and Adderall in the Treatment of ADHD
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of ADHD out here in California, but those patients that we've seen on it have done well. Typically it is prescribed to patients who have not responded to Ritalin very well. It has the advantage of having a very nice long-lasting product (one dose per day). Usually it will not be prescribed to teenagers, or to individuals with a history of substance abuse. It can have retail value in the high school parking lot, and can be misused and abused.
Bad Company
Here we will come to know who are the most responsible person to make your child an addicted person & failure.
Uses for Dirty Diapers
As the father of a toddler, I am an expert on dirty diapers. I know exactly what to do with them: throw them out!
The Value of Play
Isn't it ironic that a country whose constitution allows for the pursuit of happiness now feels a collective guilt about the very idea of anything fun? How did this happen? When did we begin placing so much priority on productivity and so little on leisure or on having a good time? Even given the Puritan work ethic, life in America has become so unbalanced that one side of the seesaw is pretty much grounded.
Parenting Problem? 5 Simple Things That Will Help
What is a parenting problem?
Parental Internet Control Tips
The Internet is one of the greatest inventions of all time. Parental Internet Control will protect our loved ones from internet filth like pornography and hate material just a click away. The fact that every stranger in the world has access to your child, right in your own home is scary enough. exercising some kind of Internet Control will protect the people you love from the tens of thousands of troubling sites on the Internet.
Labor of Love
The small, lilac colored hexagonal box, with Winnie the Pooh on the lid, brings to mind healthy babies and happy times. But not all babies are born healthy and not all deliveries are happy occasions. This box, and it's matching clothe folder, contains mementos of a child that the parents could only spend hours, not years, with. It will be the only mementos the parents will ever have.
Hiking with Children
There is nothing quite like hiking with small children. The thrill of introducing these young ones to the wonder of nature is matched only by their eyes as they take it all in. If you follow a few simple rules when hiking with children, things go extremely well. Forget these simple rules and your treks with the young can be a recipe for disaster.
When Time Out Dont Work
Joey steps away from his time out chair "I won't sit!" His mother is frustrated and throws her hands in the air..Time out is just not working for this mom. Many kids do not respond to time out so what do parents do???
The Graceful Art of Defrazzling - For Mothers
"I wipe my baby's chin with my college diploma and wonder, 'How did I ever get here?'"
How to Parent Your Teen Effectively
Maintain Communication
Considering Daycare? Consider the Pros and Cons
When you're a parent it's a difficult decision to know whether to send your child to daycare or not. We have provided many of the pros and cons of sending your child to daycare for your consideration. In our opinion, nothing replaces the day-to-day interaction that you can provide with your child. We also believe that some interaction with other children either through occasional daycare, part-time, or through play-groups and other educational learning programs are invaluable. We also recognize that Mom or Dad also needs to have a break and occasional daycare can provide that for them. What we don't believe in is a baby or toddler being in someone else's care for eight hours or more a day everyday! That's not fair to your child. So with all that in mind, please consider the pros and cons listed below. And may you make the right decision for your children and yourself.
The Importance of Fathers
There is no doubt that mothers play an all-important leading role in the lives of their children. They are the obvious heroes of child rearing. But what about a father's role? Just how important are the dads of the world compared to the almighty image of mother? My belief is that fathers play just as important a role as mothers. Different, yes. Possibly not as nurturing, not as all-sacrificing but just as important in the developmental and emotional well being of a child.
Intermission: Wood Chips
I wanted to share with you one of the most valuable lessons my daughter taught me when she was sixteen-months-old. I call this essay, "Cherish Your Wood Chips."
Adolescence - Clues and Advice
Be sure to respect the intellectual changes that mark adolescence. Adolescent thinking can and should reflect: abstract notions, the relationships of things to each other and people to each other, multiple responses to the same condition or question and the idea of thinking itself.
Classic Parenting: Encouragement, Praise, Acceptance, and Responsibility
Encouragement comes when you focus on your child's assets and strengths in order to build his/her self-confidence. It comes from seeing the positive. Even failures can be outstanding learning experiences. Encouragement sounds like this, "I like the way that you did that," or "I know that you can do it," or, "It looks like you worked very hard at that."
|
