Why Consistency Is The Key To Raising Well-behaved Kids
Being consistent when children are less than perfect can make you feel dreadful. However consistency is one of the most important elements in the relationship with your children, but it is the one most frequently overlooked. Consistency means dealing with the little misbehaviours and not letting them grow into bigger behaviours. It means saying no to children's constant requests for five more minutes of television at night or a third serve of ice cream. It means following through and allowing children to experience a consequence when they misbehave every time. It doesn't mean if children arrive home after dark from a friend's place you ground them sometimes but at other times you just voice your disapproval. That type of inconsistency makes you responsible for children's misbehaviour and teaches children nothing about accountability. Consistency also means that both parents have a similar approach to behaviours. If mum is too strict and dad is too lenient children will know who to go to if they wish to take advantage. They will soon play one parent off against each other. If a child wants to get away without doing a job or stay an extra hour at a friend's place just ask dad because he is easy-going. Even if you are separated, talk about your approaches to discipline and find some common ground. Agree on such issues as family rules, pocket money, and guidelines for going out and suitable consequences for misbehaviour. If you disagree with a partner's approach do so behind closed doors. When unplanned situations occur don't be afraid to tell your children that you need to consult with your partner before making a decision. Children will realise that you are working as a team and that you are making a considered approach to their behaviour or request. Consistency, like routines, are often sacrificed by busy working parents and put in the 'too hard basket'. When we are tired, stretched and overworked the last thing we want to do is engage in a battle with children over what are sometimes petty issues. You may have spent the whole day dealing with difficult customers or colleagues only to come home and find that you have another battle on your hands with equally belligerent children. So to avoid an argument, a tantrum or tears you give in to your child's unruly behaviour or unreasonable request. But giving in rather than being consistent and holding your ground is a smart long-term strategy. Kids learn quickly how far they can push a parent before they give in. If you give in occasionally they will learn that if they push you hard enough and long enough you will cave in. So consistency is about being strong and holding your ground. That is hard work because the average child will push parental boundaries about 30per cent of the time and more difficult kids push your boundaries twice that much. It is hard work being consistent but good parenting demands it. A comprehensive strategy to help you effectively manage children's behaviour is available in Michael Grose's landmark parenting book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au. Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print. For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
A Place For Everything: Its Childs Play
What parent hasn't gone into a son's or daughter's room and wondered, "Where did I go wrong? How could I have created someone who creates such a mess?"
Parents --- Your Childrens Report Card May Be Rigged
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose students consistently fail standardized tests can be shut down. To protect their jobs, teachers and principals are now under intense pressure to cheat - to fudge test scores and report cards to fool parents and school administrators.
Aptitude, Achievement, Processing Deficit - What Does It All Mean?
You are sitting with the professionals who know about learning disabilities. They have been explaining what they will be looking for when they test your child.
Couch Potatoes Beware!
It's no surprise that the self-image and self-esteem of overweight children are generally quite poor. And this is only exacerbated by the teasing and ridicule of their peers ? a situation that, in these post-Columbine days, can result in much more than hurt feelings. Even if children aren't tormented into taking their frustration out on others, they may well take it out on themselves. In 1994, an Associated Press article told the story of 11-year-old Brian Head, an overweight child who shot and killed himself as a last resort against the ridicule of his classmates. Growing up can be difficult enough; growing up feeling isolated can be too much to handle.
Screaming Kids Driving You Nuts? Four Rules to Help You Keep Your Sanity!
Often I will hear parents say, "I just ignore Jr. when he has a fit or screams."
Watch Your Language! - How Parents Can Help Kids Help Themselves
'I felt great until I walked into the classroom - then it
all went wrong!'
Choosing a Daycare or Pre-School ? Top Ten Safety Tips
When it's time to put your child into a daycare or pre-school, there is some homework involved. Here are the top ten safety tips that are useful when looking for a pre-school or daycare center.
Dexedrine, Cylert, and Adderall in the Treatment of ADHD
Dexedrine is not prescribed very often for the treatment of ADHD out here in California, but those patients that we've seen on it have done well. Typically it is prescribed to patients who have not responded to Ritalin very well. It has the advantage of having a very nice long-lasting product (one dose per day). Usually it will not be prescribed to teenagers, or to individuals with a history of substance abuse. It can have retail value in the high school parking lot, and can be misused and abused.
Lifebooks: Every Adopted Child Needs One
Information is gold when you are adopted. Every tiny piece is precious, whether it's a photo or quote from the orphanage staff. LifeBooks help put all the information pieces together in a way that helps your child make sense of, and ultimately feel good, about his/her history.
Its OK to Say No
In the last 20 years we've all been introduced to a new style of parenting that is much more democratic than most of us experienced, growing up. Families are more child- centered than they were before, we no longer advocate spanking as an effective form of discipline, we often allow children to negotiate for privileges or things, and we're much more involved in our children's lives than most of our parents were in our lives. Parenting is much, much less autocratic than it was in previous generations.
Why have children? DINCs, This is For You!
First there were Yuppies (Young Urban Professionals). Then came the Boomers, the Busters, the Boomlets, and Generation X. Now we have the DINCs, which stands for Double Income, No Children. I'm not talking about those who are unable to have children or who postpone having children until their financial crisis or mega-time-commitment to career has stabilized. I'm referring to those who are determined not to have children. Ever. Period. If this is your situation, please consider what follows.
Unschooling - the Benefits of Home Based Education
Home schooling benefits children. As a parent, I feel it is important to provide the best opportunities available to my children. Through a process of home educating known as 'unschooling' and eclectic educational styles my children have opportunities that are unavailable through traditional means of education. I believe it is important to create leaders through individualized training and development.
Parenting Problem? 5 Simple Things That Will Help
What is a parenting problem?
Parenting Skills - Five Ways To Turbo-Boost Your Confidence
The 'phone conversation had nothing at all to do with
parenting - but it made me think . . .
Blended Families Can Be Successful
Many families today are blending members from past relationships. It would be easy to give up when faced with all the conflicting methods of parenting and discipline that come to a family who has joined forces together.
Failure or Future? Its Up To YOU!
We all want to comfort our children after they suffer any kind of failure or disappointment. It's only natural. But the best parents I've met have resisted the urge to "make it all better."
The Courage to Be a Loving Parent
Most of us really don't like it when someone is angry at us. We don't like it when people go into resistance to helping us when we need help, instead of caring about us. We don't like it when people withdraw from us, disconnecting from us and shutting us out. We don't like it when people make demands on us and do not respect our right or need to say no. Many of us will do almost anything to avoid the soul loneliness and pain we feel when people treat us in angry, resistant, demanding and uncaring ways.
Internet Dangers - Protecting Children from Internet Jeopardy
Parents are in a unique position to "monitor" their children's internet activities and to observe their behavior with respect to any actions generated by the child's internet use. If children are hiding something from a parent, usually an astute parent will sense that something is askew... in these times it may well be internet associated. This is a delicate balance of empowerment and trust. And it is a wise parent that verbalizes this balance and discusses it openly with the child, especially teen age children.
Motherhood is a Perfect Adventure
How often do you think of family life as an adventure or delightful experience? If you and your children are having a good day, then you might buy into this idea. However, many of you are probably laughing hysterically now. What is delightful about the children fighting for the umpteenth time today? Sometimes I bet your family life feels like a jungle with screeching and swinging monkeys.
Speaking on Behalf of Our Children: Stop Blaming the Victims
How many times have you flipped through the pages of a magazine or newspaper and seen images of children with captions like "Brats," "Bullies," or "Mean and Selfish"? Unfortunately, these are common occurrences in today's media. For some child advocates, these images serve as a call to action: We need to do something to help America's so-called "out-of-control" children. The problem is, while these negative images are a wake up call, they are not doing anything to help troubled children. In fact, they only add to the problem. By labeling children brats, bullies, or mean and selfish, we are imposing the very same behaviors on them that we teach as being wrong.
|
