The Secrets To Improving Childrens Behaviour
Most parents at some stage are driven to distraction by one or more of their children's annoying habits or behaviours, whether it is a toddler who continually whines, a school-aged child who leaves clothes lying around or a teenager who uses a less than pleasant vocabulary. How to affect change is a challenge for many parents. Do you ignore a child's annoying behaviour or do you pick up on it? A useful rule of thumb is to pick up on behaviours that are dangerous to the child himself or significantly infringe on the rights and comfort of others. Also ask yourself: Is this behaviour reasonable for the child's age? For instance, it is reasonable to expect an eight year old not to disturb you while you are on the phone for twenty minutes but it is not reasonable to expect the same of a two year old. It is also useful to take into account the child's current state of mind and what is going in on their lives that may be related to some unusual behaviour to occur at home. The following four principles for changing your child's behaviour will be effective if you are both patient and persistent. Principle one: Change your initial response first. This is important because children's behaviour generally requires a pay-off, which may be your attention or an attempt to defeat you. The most important principle about changing children's behaviour is to change your own behaviour first.So if your child' whines (a child's version of water torture) to get his own way refrain from answering back or giving in. Principle two: Practise with your child the behaviour that you want. The notion of behaviour rehearsal is fundamental to learning a new behaviour. Don't just tell kids what you expect, get them to practise the behaviour you want. In the example of a young whiner - get him to practise asking for help or a treat in a normal voice. Principle three: Minimise the behaviour you don't want. That means when children continue their old behaviour despite your brilliant suggestions ignore it, sidestep it or implement a consequence but don't nag or harp on it. Remember it takes time often to change a behaviour, particularly if it has been happening for a long time. Principle four: Spotlight the appropriate behaviour. When your children behave in the desired way show your sincere appreciation. We often take children for granted or rather we are trained to give children no attention when they are good, but plenty when they are less than perfect. The behaviours we focus on expand so we need to focus our attention on desirable behaviours more than on the negative behaviours. For our young whiner it is essential to make a fuss when he uses a normal voice to get what he wants. Like any process it will only work if you stick to it and follow it through. And don't be afraid to adapt it to suit your circumstances. Remember, it is the fact that you have a plan rather than the nature of the plan that is most powerful in achieving a change in your children's behaviour. For practical ideas to make children's irritating behaviours such as whining, nagging, tantrums and sibling fighting disappear read Michael Grose's ground-breaking book - One Step Ahead. It is available at the shop at www.parentingideas.com.au Michael Grose is Australia's leading parenting educator. He is the author of six books and gives over 100 presentations a year and appears regularly on television, radio and in print. For further ideas to help you raise happy children and resilient teenagers visit http://www.parentingideas.com.au . While you are there subscribe to Happy Kids newsletter and receive a free report Seven ways to beat sibling rivalry.
Related News
|
 |
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Avoid Weight Problems In Children
Although, not a well publicized statistic, childhood obesity has more than tripled in the past two decades-15% of American children are obese according to the U.S. Obesity Task Force.
Spend Time Not Money With The Kids This Winter
Spending quality time with your children doesn't need to cost a lot of money. What's most important, is that you take the opportunity to bond with them. The time that you spend with your children will make them feel special and they will treasure it for a lifetime. Letting your children know that you are there for them, will create a lasting bond between you and your children.
Will My Doubts and Fears Affect My Child?
"Will my doubts and fears affect my child?" This father is concerned about his son, a high school athlete with a vision of playing professional sports. The father's fear is that his son won't be accepted into the 'right' college to be scouted by the professionals. He wanted to know:
Parents --- Homeschooling Can Take a Lot Less Time Than You Think
The time you will need to teach your children the essentials - reading, writing, and arithmetic - is much less than you think. Let me quote author and former public-school teacher John Gatto from his wonderful book, Dumbing Us Down:
The Safest Stuffed Toys for the Kids on your Gift List
Although it's hard to say when the first stuffed dogs appeared, I would guess that it was soon after dogs were domesticated. We do know that as long as there have been children, there have been dolls, rattles, miniature weapons, and hand-made animals. Anthropologists have found evidence of toys dating back to the earliest records of human life.
Winning The Whining War
Jason Meridith's two-year old son whines when he wants more juice. Brenda Kreuger's eight-year old daughter whines about having to take piano lessons. Connie Gustufson's daughter whines about not getting enough playing time on the softball team. Each parent finds the whining annoying, but is unsure what to do about it. In each case, the parent and the child could be helped by the following guidelines.
How To Develop Your Babys Brain
Have you ever wondered why toys for babies tend to have so many bells, whistles and lights? Or why they have so many different textures, and materials and colors?
It's almost as if we want to provide young babies with a whole world of stimulation and we can't quite get it to them fast enough.
Picky Eater - Fighting the Good Fight
Often, the struggle at dinnertime with your picky eater is not
so much about food as it is about control. As children become
more independent, conflicts can arise as they carefully
scrutinize what goes into their mouths. The more you push, the
more they resist with the outcome resulting in tears and
frustration.
The Free Ride In Public Schools
To protect children's self-esteem or deflect complaints by parents, many public schools today automatically advance failing students to the next grade level. In other schools, some students are left back a maximum of one year, then promoted again regardless of their academic skills.
Parents --- Your Childrens Report Card May Be Rigged
Under the "No Child Left Behind Act," public schools whose students consistently fail standardized tests can be shut down. To protect their jobs, teachers and principals are now under intense pressure to cheat - to fudge test scores and report cards to fool parents and school administrators.
Top 25 Children Quotations
"You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance."-- Franklin P. Adams
Mothers Day Tribute
As Mother's Day approaches I would like to give a different perspective to ponder.
Picky Eaters - The Dawn of Understanding
"In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't
danced on television." (Erma Bombeck, 1927-1996)
Bless Your Child With The Name
What a dreamer I am when thinking about parenthood. Most of the time, I do this without knowing to whom my heart will belong and who will share that sacred responsibility. Even though, I am connected with the billions of souls that have always faced the stars at night to decide on what would be the perfect name for our not-yet-conceived little angels
Three Tips to Get Children with Sleeping Problems Asleep
According to the American Sleep Association 70% of all babies and infants at one time or another suffer from sleeping difficulties. So if bed time is a difficult time for you and your baby you are in good company. Rest assured that there is probably nothing wrong but of course when you are in doubt seek professional care. Jodi Mindell, a researcher and sleep expert at the Institute, has 3 tips for worried parents.
When Kids Hurt Parents
The cruel callous remarks made by our offspring can sometimes wound us deeply, to the very core of our soul. The hurtful words of our children can scar us like no other. They are capable of hurting us with the deepest kind of hurt. When the words "I hate you" spurt forth from the mouth of a five year old in the throes of a temper tantrum we tend to overlook them. When words such as those are hurled at us from the lips of our teenage or adult offspring they cut sharper than any blade forged from steel. The wound can fester leaving us open and vulnerable to future hurt. We forgive them. They're our children, we love them so how can we not forgive them? Yet the pain of such damaging words still lingers. In the back of a parent's mind, it is only natural that doubt should remain. Did he really mean what he said or was it just anger talking? Does my child really hate me? Have I failed as a parent?
Nanny 911 and Disciplining Your Child
Nanny 911 Interview with Montel Williams
Build Character with this Delicious Triple A Recipe!
Vinegar or honey, what do kids really want? "Toys, candy, and their own way," answer millions of parents.
Failure or Future? Its Up To YOU!
We all want to comfort our children after they suffer any kind of failure or disappointment. It's only natural. But the best parents I've met have resisted the urge to "make it all better."
Give Your Child Life Skills for a Lifetime
Many parents struggle with solutions to put their child on the fast track to success, and one such solution is not usually far from home. It is your local martial arts school.
|
